Wondering about congregations

A friend was lamenting her congregation's treatment of her during several crises in her life that have just occured. She was criticized by the clerk for taking time off during Holy Week (her associate handled everything). The congregation I serve was wonderful to me during my cancer and chemo, but were unforgiving of the previous pastor during her crises.

I wondered this morning if congregations expect pastors to be impervious to crises. If God will not protect the pastor during a crisis, then certainly God will not protect me from the horrors that life inevitably brings to all but the most lucky (and death comes to all of us). Does this make some in congregations less willing to be compassionate? I'm not exactly clear in the connections, they seem to be there to me, intuitively.

I think my cancer was not subject to this because many in the congregation had survived cancer and everyone, though concerned, was convinced that I would be OK once I got through everything.

Cancer Redux

Well not really redux, but thoughts are. Almost a year ago (May 3 actually) I had my first visit with the oncologist. I had finally gotten the path report so I knew it was cancer (despite my vain attempts at denial). I started chemo on May 5.

So, it's been a year and it mostly seems a dream. Did it really happen? Yes, I have the scars to prove it, but it seems so unreal. Me, cancer? No risk factors. Almost all the things that mitigate against ovarian cancer on my side. Cancer happens to someone else. Heart attack, perhaps, stroke, yes, but cancer? And still it seems so unreal.

Most of the time it doesn't enter my mind. I know there is a possiblity of recurrence and when I think of it, I'm frightened. Not necessarily by dying, but by not getting to do all the things I want to do. By the possibility of endless chemo. By watching my body disintegrate over time. By not getting to run and swim and travel.

But most of the time, it is truly as if it hadn't happened. I know that those of us who have had cancer are supposed to have experienced some great insight into life, some life changing epiphany. My cancer seems to have affected others in that way more than me. An article in Call to Worship (forthcoming, not sure when) will tell of another's experience in shaving my head. Another person Tuesday evening spoke of her denial long after I had come to terms with it.

But, except for visits every few months to the oncologist, and for blood tests every few months, and the scars on my belly, there is little to remind me of last summer.

Wondering about Worship

I'm sure I have the quote wrong, but here's what I remember. Last week Marva Dawn was discussing worship when she commented that someone had come up to her and said that she didn't like the music. Dawn said her first response was "so?" and her second was "why do you think worship is about your tastes?" She acknowledges that she is a free lancer and so is freer to say things like this than many in her audience are.

I'm also thinking about Kierkegaard's comment that most folks think in worship they are the audience, God is the prompter and the folks in the front are the actors while in reality, God is the audience, the congregation are the actors and the folks in the front are the prompters.

So, what is worship about? Why do we worship? Yes, I know the answers: worship is about God, not us. But is that true? I mean I really agree that marketing shouldn't enter into worship decisions, and yet, what is worship really about?

I'm thinking about this because I'll be preaching on Psalm 98 in mid May (I'm thinking this far ahead because one week from today I'll be on a plane flying to Israel and will return to Memphis on May 16, and will preach on the next day, so I want to have something to say when I get back.)

I'm thinking of beginning with the first question from the Westminster shorter catechism. What is the chief end of man? Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

Enjoy God forever. Pretty amazing stuff from a bunch of dour Calvinists sitting in Westminster Cathedral (is it a cathedral?) at some point during the religious wars in England. Maybe enjoy didn't mean then what it means now, but that's a pretty intriguing statement. Enjoy God forever.

So, I'm rethinking all my opinions on worship. Why do we worship? What should worship be about? How do we make worship meaningful for the "audience" -- the congregation, not K's vision.

Why should we glorify God or sing God's praises (Sing to the Lord a new song from Psalm 98). Surely God doesn't need our praises because God's ego needs puffing up. I am leaning to the fact that it is about us, after all. We'll see how the sermon comes out. I'm interested in other's thoughts on this.

Nathan Bedford Forrest

St. Casserole has noted that today in Mississippi is Confederate Memorial Day. I have just discovered that Tennessee commemorates Confederate Memorial Day on June 3. But, we go Mississippi one better. The entire state commemorates Nathan Bedford Forrest on July 13.

For those of you not born in the South, Lt. Gen. Forrest founded the Ku Klux Klan.

Between midtown Memphis and downtown, there is a park dedicated to Lt. Gen. Forrest. Complete with a statue of the man riding his horse. Granted he was a great cavalryman, but goodness!

In 2005, at least according to Wikipedia, a councilmember wanted to remove the statue and rename the park Forrest Park, but he was blocked by our African American mayor. I have no idea why.

The South shall rise again! (And may God help us all when it does.)

This and That

So I walked into church today and the matriarch was womaning the welcome center. She is wearing her hair very curly. Much like mine. I'm not sure what to make of that, but I think I'm flattered. Of course it could just be our humidity.

I'm training for a triathlon. I despair that I will make it. I ran/jogged 5K today and nearly died. It was a real struggle. Of course my route is full of hills. So, I did it in 41 minutes, 30 seconds. On Friday, I was 40 minutes, 10 seconds. My goal is 37 minutes. But I can't imagine how I'm going to manage a swim (only 400 meters), a bike ride (about 15 miles) and a 5K. All at once. I'm going to be out of the country most of May and all of July. The tri is on my birthday, September 12. That gives me about 6 weeks to really train when I get back. I'll run or at least try in May. There will be times in July when I just won't be able to run for at least a week.

I preached on Psalm 4 yesterday. It went fairly well, I think.

The couple with the two little girls came to church again yesterday. That makes 9 new people (including women and children) who have come in the last year. The church hasn't had a new member in 10 years. God may have ideas for the congregation yet. Both families have special children. Not in any dramatic way, but just children that need extra attention and love. And we certainly have that in abundance here. The women who teach Sunday school are so excited and love the children so much, even the ones that are troublesome. Hope, amazing hope. Life even though they may have embraced death. Amazing.

Friday Five--bucket list

My bucket list: Only one item

visit every country in the world. that's it.

no new countries this year. Just picking up western China and Tibet (I hope). England. Israel. Maybe if I can figure out how to get another week, Guatemala. I just need more vacation time!

Next year: God willing--Chile, Easter Island, Galapagos (diving and exploring) and a few days in mainland Ecuador. Maybe Columbia (the up and coming vacation destination--for real) or if I am really lucky Cuba.

2011: Nepal and Bhutan. Maybe I'll finally make it to Ethiopia.

2012: Maybe the start of my long-dreamed of round the world trip. Starting with the Continental Island Hopper from Honolulu to Guam. From Guam to Yap, Palau and Truk for diving. Then to Cairns, Austrailia where I already have rooms reserved on Green Island for the total eclipse. To Manila for more diving, then to southeast Asia and then to Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand for more diving. On to India again for about a month. If I can afford it, the Maldives and Seychelles for more diving. Then I'll ship my dive gear home. On to South Africa: Madagascar, Botswana, Zambia, Namibia, up the east coast, home again. A dream. A hope. A vision. And lots of pictures to come.

This and that

I have been in Austin for the CLP conference. One of the leaders asked for blog addresses, noting that she had heard that some were posting really great stuff. It reminded me that when I started this blog, I had intended for it to be full of deep, theological reflections and comments on the PCUSA. It has turned into a whining forum, as I whine about my congregation and the state of the church and my personal life (or lack thereof). I suppose it just shows that I am at heart a whiner. 

In other whines, the conference was so boring. It was about Sabbath and we had sessions, which were entirely lecture, for two solid days. Today, which I am missing is a morning wrap up session. There were two evening sessions which were fun things in Austin. But, what a subliminal message the structure of the conference sends. There is no Sabbath here. It is full of work and learning. So that we can learn about Sabbath, so that we can go home and practice what we learned. And what was the underlying message: There is no Sabbath for you. Work, work, learn, learn. Have fun? Relax? Only after you've already put in a full day of work, work. 

I have never seen Marva Dawn in person before and boy was she a disappointment. I've already whined about her yesterday. She began by complaining about people making noise in the hallways and could we please remember that some folks need rest. (She may not have been aware that there were other folks staying there, too.). She then complained about people not physically participating in a movement to "And also with you." Before we even did it. She was rude to a group of women. She was antagonistic. I realize she has health problems (I could now describe them to you in very intimate detail), but perhaps if one is in so much pain or discomfort, one should not fill one's life with gigs. I assume she makes enough from her books to live on. 

On the other hand, it was great to see my friends again. We get together twice a year and have a lot of fun together. I also ran into a seminary classmate that I hadn't really known before and it was good to get to know her. After I made a strident call for a living wage for hotel employees (after Marva encouraged us to leave tips so that the employees would make enough money), several people came up to talk to me. Listening to other folks was fun too. I wish we had had more time to interact with each other and get to know each other better. 

And, now, back to the grind. I am writing a sermon on Psalm 4 today. I think I know where I'm going, but sometimes the sermon veers off in a different direction.

On one of my escapes from the conference, I went to Book People, an independent bookstore in Austin. I found the newest No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency book. Yes! So, I have it to read on the plane. 

I suppose I should get to work on my sermon.