Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Ovarian Cancer. Seems I'm one of the lucky 26000 women who will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer this year. If that sounds a bit bitter, it is. I just never imagined this would happen to me. A stroke, yes. Heart attack, maybe. But ovarian cancer, that could never happen to me.

A bit hard to come to terms with, I'm afraid. Although from what the surgeon says, the future looks good, it is still difficult. I really feel as if it's happening to someone else, not me. It's a bit bizarre.

I'm planning to go to church on Sunday. I will need to steel myself for all the "everything happens for a reason" "God has [his] purpose in everything" folks. You see, I don't believe God lets/causes bad things to happen to people. The evil in this world is against God's plan for humanity and is of our own creation. The natural things that happen: tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, happen because that is the way the world is made. God suffers with us and weeps when we cause pain to ourselves, others and God's creation. There are folks in my congregation who have lost children (there are much, much worse things than having ovarian cancer) and who have managed to survive by believing somehow it was God's plan. I don't feel it is my place to impose my beliefs on them, but I can't stand hearing that this is God's plan for me. I will want to scream "No, that's not who God is." But I will try my best to smile and thank them for their concern.

6 comments:

cheesehead said...

I pray for your sake that the "God's will" people will be few and far between, and that you will have the strength to not clock them upside the head.

Still praying for you,

((((JC))))

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Queen Mum said...

Joan, My breast cancer diagnosis 2 years ago came out of the blue, like your diagnosis, and hit me with a huge dose of mortality. I clearly remember the feeling that it was happening to someone else, too. I also happen to be one of those who have lost a child, and cannot believe that it was God's plan. But it is survivable, and so too is a cancer diagnosis. (I say this as one with a good prognosis...) Let me know if you need to email/vent. Peace to you.

Singing Owl said...

Just read this. God does not send evil, IMO. God's gifts are good. I do think God does not waste anything, if we trust...I'm so sorry, and I am stopping to pray right now.

Joan Calvin said...

Thanks to all of you

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