Friday, August 7, 2009

My doc left a message yesterday. My CA-125 results. A 7. (below 35 is "normal". Two days before my cancer surgery mine was 34. Many women reach 1000 or more with ovarian cancer. It's not ovarian cancer specific: anything going on in the abdominal region will trigger a rise. Mine was 26 weeks after my hernia repair.)

This is the lowest it's ever been, so it's good news. (It's been 9 and 8 before.)

So, I wake up this morning wondering whether all the pipetting I did of toluene and benzene as a chemistry major caused my cancer. It's my unconscious mind trying to exert control over a random act. There is no reason for me to have had ovarian cancer. It was a random act. But, I search for a reason, something to give me control, something so that it makes sense.

I met with COM so they would approve my change in status from designated pastor to called. (It's a presbyterian thing). It went well. They were supportive, friendly, perhaps even nice. The EP asked me, given all my talents for ministry whether this church would be a sufficient challenge for me. (The congregation is mostly dying, but there are real signs of hope.) Since the EP has a reputation for not valuing women, I was somewhat taken aback, first by his compliments and then by the question. A large, healthy, growing congregation where I was head of staff and mostly managed, planned and preached would be less of a challenge.

Thinking about blowing off running again and going back to bed. I'm beginning to get an awful headache.